Why not?!

Why not?!  That was the question the 20-something year old cashier at Taco Bell asked me on Saturday.  I took Kayla, Mikey, Olivia and Sam's niece Jacqueline to Anderson & Girls and then to Taco Bell for lunch.  As we were standing in line to order all 4 hooligans were swinging on the bar that defines the ordering area.  I turned to them, after having already asked a couple of them individually to stay off the bar, and said, "Ladies & Gentleman, I'd like you not swing on that bar.  Stay off there.  Got it?"  They said, "Ok." and got off.   The lady behind the counter said, "Are all of them yours?"  I said, "No, they're nieces and a nephew."  She said, "Do you have any children of your own?" to which I responded, "No."  With a shocked look on her face she said, "Why not?!"  I was a little taken aback.  I didn't want to get into the details so I just said that I'd like to but they haven't come along yet.  She said, "Well, you ought to because you'd be a great mom."   What I wanted to say was, "If you only knew..."  Ugh.  Gut wrenching.

I called Department of Human Services this afternoon to ask for info on foster parenting.  Brett and I have been tossing the idea around for a couple of months.  He's concerned that if we do this we'll be acting like Abraham and Sarah who took matters into their own hands instead of waiting for God's timing.  If I'm being truly honest, I just want children in the house.  I want babies to care for.  Like I said in an email to Hez today, "I want peas on the floor, diapers to change, extra laundry" and all the rest. I want the noises of children, even if they're not my own.  But I know God has a plan and I really don't want to screw it up.  I don't want to be faithless.  I don't know how to hear from God on this because I'm pretty sure DHS is looking for people like Brett and I.  It's not like they're going to turn us down, so that's not a good test of whether or not we're supposed to do it.  How do you figure something like that out?  I guess I'll just get all the info I can, share it with Brett, and we're both praying about it.

Maybe it's the fact that DHS has to do a home inspection and take references that's making me be paranoid about keeping the kitchen clean, but I have kept it clean (or mostly clean) for almost 2 weeks now.  I want to be a good mom.  I don't want to be lazy.  I know that's my tendency, but I don't want to be like that anymore.  I think this is an important thing to learn BEFORE little ones come along.  Dad says something like, "discipline begets discipline and lack of discipline begets laziness."  Well, I've begotten a lot of laziness in the last couple of years and I really want God to take that away from me.